Girl Trouble by Kerry Cohen

Author:Kerry Cohen
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780997068344
Publisher: Hawthorne Books
Published: 2016-09-20T04:00:00+00:00

Maureen

MAUREEN LIVED IN THE APARTMENTS ACROSS FROM mine. To get to her bedroom you had to walk through her older brother’s bedroom. She had no father. I had no mother. Or at least we felt that was the case. We set our sights on boys, as would become my story. I still hadn’t found one who I liked who also liked me. She was sexier than I was, had an adult movement in her hips that suggested she knew more than she should, that I recognize now as evidence of her having grown through something already she shouldn’t have.

We didn’t speak much while at school. People thought of her as a slut, and I didn’t want to be associated with her. It was unkind, I know. But I would be unkind in this particular way many more times before I stopped blaming others for the ways things fell apart in my friendships. I would have to confess to my faults, to my neediness, to my selfishness in order to learn how to have good friendships. For now, though, I was too young and self-unaware.

After school my friends and I hung out at the Burger King down the street. There was a guy behind the counter who met my eyes many times. He reminded me of Prince. I had just watched Purple Rain, and I had never seen that sort of heated romance before. I wanted that. I wanted to feel something, anything other than the endless grief about my mother’s abandonment.

So Maureen and I went there one evening and invited him to her house. I have no idea where I told my father I was or whether he cared. The Prince guy showed up two hours later, and we put on Purple Rain, the album, and he and I started dancing. He kissed me, using his tongue. He had no idea I was only fourteen. He moved his hands along my back, up to my bra. He kissed my neck.

He said, “Come on,” referring to Maureen’s bedroom.

I shook my head, scared.

“Come on,” he said. “I want to be with you.”

I shook my head again, and he pushed me away.

“What the hell?” he said. “You invited me over here!”

“I know,” I said, not sure how to explain.

“Fuck you,” he said. “Fucking little tease is what you are.”

Maureen was in the other room dancing by herself. He passed her on his way out, and I heard him say, “I should have hooked up with you instead. You would have followed through.”

She said nothing, and I don’t know how she reacted, whether she was insulted or pleased, or angry for me. I don’t know. What I do know is that this was the day I learned two things: that I was utterly replaceable, that I could disappear just like that, like I did for my mother; and that if I wanted to be worth attention, if I wanted to matter to anyone, I had better give them something in return. The door shut and I came out to where she was.

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